Don't Look Back

Hey there CK! I don't believe I've ever critted anything of yours.

Anyway, as someone else said, this would probably be best rewritten as lyrics. You've got this partial rhyming scheme going on that lends itself to something you'd find in a song. However, if you're determined to leave this as a poem, cut out the rhyming portions. They're awkward and haphazardly placed. It's as if you couldn't make up your mind and ended up writing this in a kind of poetic twilight -- walking between lyricism and free-style. Go through this again and choose between the two. At the moment, the combination of both kind of...stagnates.

Also, I've got to criticize you on your subject matter. Unfortunately, what you've written is just another product of bad country music and teenage angst. The words mean nothing to me. They just kind of wallow in self-pity and sensationalized drama. I want to read something new, something that makes me think, something that speaks to me. Break from that stereotypic mold society's nailed you into! Write something abstract. Use similes and metaphors and make me work for the meaning.

When I read poetry I want my brain to be...tweaked.

Again, if you tossed this in the lyrics forum, your cliched premise could be justified, seeing as all popular songs these days are whining about unrequited love and love unfeigned and those kind of things.

Remember, writing poetry is an art.

Don't look back,
It's for the best.
That's what I tell myself.
And no amount of Dancing Queen,
Or Billy Jean,
Will make me turn around.

Hmmm...

What can I comment except that I am really taking a liking to your work.
I find it attracting and emotional and truly from the heart..


I just love you!!!!!

10 million gold stars

8/10

I thought about putting it in lyrics, but I wrote it as a poem, so I put it here.

You know I loved you,
You know you loved me too.
But that can't change the things between us, no.
And now it's time to let go.
These last two lines don't sound right together. Maybe try something like,
But that can't change things between us, no.
And now it's time for us to let go.

Don't look back,
It's for the best.
That's what I tell myself.
And no amount of Dancing Queen,
Or Billy Jean,
Will make me turn around.

I don't want you to forget me,
But don't come lookin', no.
Soon I'll be but a memory,
Of music and sweet kisses,
As waves lapped the sandy shore.

Hmm..this was interesting. I liked it a lot. It was well written, I mean last year when I was that old, I couldn't do a poem this weel written and concise. All in all, I thought it was a good poem. You weren't sloopy with it, and it seems like you took some time to make your thoughts weel known, and it almost has a song rhythm flow to it. I liked it. ^^ Well done!

[Caitlin]

Divided last line, due to crits.

Thanks for the crits!

You know I loved you,
[s]You[/s](Put 'I' in instead) know you loved me too.
But that can't change the things between us, no.
And now it's time to let go.

Don't look back,
It's for the best.
That's what I tell myself.
And no amount of Dancing Queen,
Or Billy Jean,
Will make me turn around. (Nice verse)

I don't want you to forget me,
But don't come lookin', no.
Soon I'll be but a memory,
Of music and sweet kisses,
as waves lapped the sandy shore.
I would move this line down.

cool